What Stress Really Means (And How to Take Back Control)

Stress is one of those words we toss around so often it’s lost its real meaning. “I’m stressed” has become shorthand for feeling busy, overwhelmed, or like things are just… too much. But what does stress actually mean? And how can we shift from being consumed by it to understanding and overcoming it?

Here’s the truth: stress isn’t about the situation you’re in—it’s about the resources you feel you don’t have to handle it.

Stress Is a Signal of Scarcity

At its core, stress is a message from your brain and body that says, “I don’t have enough to deal with this.” It could be a lack of time, energy, money, patience, support, or even clarity. Stress is your system waving a red flag, telling you that you’re running low on the resources you need to feel safe and effective.

For example:

• If you’re stressed about work, you might feel you don’t have enough time or energy to meet your deadlines.

• If money is tight, you might feel like you don’t have the financial resources to meet your needs.

• If you’re overwhelmed by parenting or relationships, maybe you feel like you lack patience, support, or tools to handle it all.

Stress isn’t the enemy—it’s information. It’s your mind and body asking you to take a closer look at what you’re missing.

How Most People Get Stress Wrong

When we say, “I’m stressed,” it’s often a blanket statement. It doesn’t name the real issue, and because of that, we can’t address the root cause. Stress isn’t just a feeling; it’s the result of a gap between what’s being asked of you and what you believe you have to give.

Here’s where it gets tricky: most people stay stuck in stress because they focus on the symptoms (the tight chest, the racing thoughts, the irritability) instead of the lack of resources causing it.

We try to push through, distract ourselves, or even blame the situation, but we rarely pause to ask: What do I need right now to feel less stressed?

How to Fill the Resource Gap

The good news? Stress doesn’t mean you’re broken or failing—it’s an opportunity to problem-solve. When you feel stressed, here’s how to approach it:

1. Identify the Gap

Ask yourself:

• What do I feel like I’m missing?

• Is it time, energy, clarity, support, patience, or something else?

Naming the resource you’re lacking is the first step to finding it.

2. Get Creative About Resources

Once you’ve identified what’s missing, think about how you can make up for it. For example:

• If you lack time: Can you delegate, say no to something, or adjust your priorities?

• If you lack energy: Can you take a short break, move your body, or fuel yourself with something nourishing?

• If you lack support: Can you reach out to someone for help, even if it’s just to talk things through?

Stress often makes us feel like we’re stuck, but there’s always a way to get resourceful.

3. Address Your Environment

Sometimes the resources we need aren’t internal—they’re external. Are you in an environment that drains your energy or adds unnecessary pressure? Look for small changes you can make to reduce stressors around you, like organizing your workspace or creating boundaries with people who pull you in too many directions.

4. Build Your Reserves

Here’s the thing: life will always throw challenges your way, but when you have strong reserves—mental, emotional, and physical—you’ll handle stress more effectively. Building reserves might look like:

• Taking care of your body: Get enough sleep, eat nourishing food, and move in ways that feel good.

• Practicing mindfulness: Meditation, journaling, or even just taking deep breaths can help you stay grounded.

• Learning new skills: The more tools you have, the more confident you’ll feel in handling life’s challenges.

Reframing Stress

When you shift your perspective and see stress as a lack of resources rather than a personal failing, everything changes. Stress isn’t about being weak, unorganized, or incapable—it’s about needing something you currently don’t have.

Instead of saying, “I’m stressed,” try saying:

• “I need more time to feel comfortable with this.”

• “I need clarity on how to move forward.”

• “I need rest so I can think more clearly.”

This small shift not only reduces the emotional weight of stress but also helps you take action.

The Bottom Line

Stress isn’t the bad guy—it’s a messenger. It’s your body and mind asking for help, for resources, for relief. The next time you feel that familiar tension building up, don’t ignore it or fight it. Instead, listen. Ask yourself what you’re missing, and then find a way—big or small—to fill the gap.

Remember, stress doesn’t define you. It’s just one part of your story, and you have the power to rewrite how that story unfolds.

— Sherri Lee Sunshine 🌞