Letting Go to Move Forward: The Deaths We Must Embrace to Truly Live

Growth is not a gentle ascent; it’s a series of deaths. Before you think I’m getting too dark, hear me out. Every step forward requires leaving something behind—a part of yourself, your beliefs, or even the comforting (but misleading) maps you’ve relied on to navigate life. James Hollis hit the nail on the head with the idea that transformation demands these tiny, yet seismic, deaths.

We all create identities, expectations, and “rules” about how the world works. Maybe it’s the image of who you thought you’d be by now—successful in the traditional sense, loved in the way rom-coms promised, or still holding tightly to beliefs passed down by others. Letting go of these expectations feels like failure at first. But in reality, it’s freedom.

Let’s get real—this is painful. The “death of who we thought we were” stings. It’s saying goodbye to certainty, to the illusion that making the “right” choices would save us from suffering. We cling to these ideas because they feel safe. But safety isn’t growth. It’s stagnation.

To move forward, we have to bury the maps that no longer serve us. That’s the kicker—they once worked, but now? They’re outdated. A new terrain requires new tools. Letting go of trust in those maps isn’t about cynicism; it’s about courage. It’s trusting yourself to forge a new path, one aligned with who you are now—not who you thought you should be.

Think about it: every time you’ve truly transformed, it’s been because you shed some skin. You left behind a job, a relationship, or even a mindset that kept you small. And while you mourned that loss, you also discovered something bigger, truer, and more alive within yourself.

So, what’s the map you’re holding onto today that needs to go? What expectation are you gripping so tightly it’s keeping you stuck? Take a deep breath. Trust that in the letting go, you’ll find your way forward.

As Hollis reminds us, there’s no moving ahead without these deaths. But with each one, we get closer to living more authentically. And isn’t that the point?