Consideration: The Only Love Language We Need

When we talk about love languages, most of us think of the usual five: words of affirmation, quality time, physical touch, acts of service, and receiving gifts. We often spend time figuring out which resonates with us most or how to meet someone else’s needs through theirs. But lately, I’ve been asking myself: Isn’t there a deeper, simpler answer to loving someone well?

I think it all comes down to consideration.

Consideration isn’t a category in the traditional love language framework, but maybe it should be. It’s the act of paying attention, noticing what someone needs or values, and making choices that show you care about those things. It’s the root of all the other love languages. Without it, words of affirmation can feel empty, and acts of service might miss the mark. But with consideration? Even the smallest gesture becomes meaningful.

What Does Consideration Look Like?

Consideration isn’t flashy. It’s often subtle and quiet, which is why we sometimes overlook its importance. It’s asking yourself, How would this person feel if I did this—or didn’t do this? It’s pausing to think before you act.

It’s the partner who remembers your big meeting and texts you encouragement in the morning.

It’s the friend who knows you don’t love surprises and skips the grand gesture for something that feels personal and thoughtful.

It’s the family member who asks how you’re really doing—not out of obligation, but because they genuinely care.

Consideration is rooted in empathy. It’s about seeing beyond your own preferences or default ways of expressing love to truly honor the person in front of you.

Why Consideration Matters

When someone is considerate of us, it makes us feel seen. It tells us, I notice you. I care enough to think about what’s best for you—not just what’s easiest for me. That’s a love language that transcends any checklist or personality type.

But consideration also requires something from us in return: communication. Nobody is a mind reader. We have to share what we need and listen when others do the same. It’s a two-way street.

The Challenge of Being Considerate

Let’s be honest—it’s not always easy to be considerate. We live in a fast-paced world that often rewards shortcuts and self-focus. Being considerate means slowing down, stepping out of autopilot, and putting thought into your actions.

It also means balancing your own needs with someone else’s. Consideration isn’t about being a doormat or sacrificing your well-being to please others. It’s about creating a relationship dynamic where mutual care and respect thrive.

The Love Language We All Need

So while words of affirmation or quality time might still rank high on your list, consider making consideration your foundation. It’s the quiet, steady force that holds all the other love languages together.

When we practice consideration, we’re not just saying I love you in a way someone understands. We’re saying, I see you. I care about you. And I’m willing to put in the effort to love you the way you deserve.

And isn’t that what love is all about?